How to Handle Criticism and Ultimately Grow From It

Whether you are starting a new job, a new school year or even a new hobby, receiving criticism is a part of life and often comes alongside periods of transition. To succeed in life, you must learn to not only take criticism in stride but to take action and use it to your benefit.

"Criticism is something we can avoid easily by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing." -- Aristotle

Always listen to the full message

Receiving negative feedback isn't typically something we look forward to but there is often insight to be gained even if the delivery is flawed. The truth is, most people have not yet mastered the skill of successfully delivering constructive criticism and while it is human nature to listen defensively, cutting them off early can make you appear overly sensitive or irate.

Once you have heard the message in its entirety, try to consider any positive takeaway from the feedback. Rather than listening to understand, we often try to spot inaccuracies or faulty conclusions to use in our rebuttals. Instead of getting defensive and ultimately ignoring the entire message, try to hear the person our and identify the truth behind their message. Your critic may have been harsh and insensitive but were they ultimately trying to deliver a helpful message?

Delay your first reaction

Unfortunately, our first reaction is not always the best when we are receiving negative feedback. You may feel the need to defend yourself or even lash out at the person criticizing you but it is much healthier to try to take some time before reacting at all.

It is emotionally healthy to learn to sit with the discomfort of an initial reaction instead of immediately acting on our urges. Allowing some time to pass before responding allows logic to step in over emotion. You should take a step back from the situation and give your reaction some thought, even if this means asking the other person for some time to consider the critique they have just given you. In most instances, this will show that you are taking what they have to say on board and want to give it a proper response but if this isn't the way they see it, then it may be worth considering if this criticism is valid at all or just a unjust reaction by them.

Respond Calmly

When you are ready to respond, always remain respectful. Even if you disagree with the criticism or you do not trust the person giving it to you, taking the high road shows that you are mature enough to put differences aside in order to better yourself. On the other hand, a quick reaction can show that you are not prepared to handle pressure or responsibility.

Get curious

In order to avoid miscommunications, you should always ask for clarification when receiving criticism. Asking things like "What exactly do you mean" or "Where exactly do you think I could improve" can allow you to ensure that the person offering their opinions are not simply jumping to invalid conclusions and will allow them to better deliver their core message.

There is also nothing wrong with asking for examples when you are receiving criticism. In fact, if the person delivering the message is coming from a good place, they should have no problem explaining their reasoning and giving you concrete examples of the action or behavior they are referring to.

Take responsibility

When someone brings a legitimate mistake to your attention, own up to your actions rather than making excuses for them. It is always easier to place blame on something or someone else, but doing so only impedes on your personal progress.

It's not always easy to take an honest look at your flaws but you can only grow if you are willing to try. Remember, nobody is perfect so do not lose an opportunity to grow by burying your head in the sand.

Don’t take it personally

The only way to really learn from criticism is to avoid regarding it emotionally. The best way to do this is to view it from a third person's perspective. How would you translate the feedback to somebody else if you had to? By re-framing the criticism, you can start to see the bigger picture and therefore, learn from it.

If you need help detaching your emotions, try to make two lists - one for what you believe they are wrong about and one for what they might be right about. This will allow you to vent your frustrations while not losing the value of what they have to say.

Remember, you don't always have the full story - you don't know if your critic is having a bad day or if they are trying to protect you from something bigger. Take the feedback for what it is - if you can't use it to your advantage, don't give it another thought.

Not all Criticism is Created Equally

No matter how well you handle the negative feedback, if it is coming from an untrustworthy source or if you think the underlying intent is malicious, there is no need to concern yourself with it. At the end of the day, you are looking for improvement not approval and as with all things in life, you are never going to make everyone happy.

Set criteria for who you will take criticism from and take the rest with a grain of salt. If your spouse, your key colleagues, your boss or your close friends have some hard truths, well then sure, maybe you make some changes. But ultimately, you get to decide who gets to criticize you and everyone else can take a hike.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." -- Eleanor Roosevelt

Turn it into a Positive

Once you have had time to process the criticism, you can usually learn much more than the person critiquing you may have ever intended.

Nothing will close an open mind like an ego. Criticism opens your eyes to new perspectives you may not have ever considered. Whenever somebody challenges you, especially somebody you respect, they help you expand your thinking and mitigate your internal need to be right.

Learning to move forward after receiving criticism will allow you to continue moving towards your goals without putting too much reliance on isolated comments.

Receiving criticism can also give you the opportunity to challenge any people-pleasing tendencies you have developed over time. Relationships based on approval and validation are not only exhausting but can also often be unhealthy. It is liberating to let people think whatever they want - after all, they're probably going to anyways!

Finally, criticism can provide you with the chance to set boundaries and teach people how you expect to be treated. If somebody has a poor delivery, it is okay to tell them. It is better that you are both able to learn from the situation.